Journal #7: Remembered As He Was

He's no longer here and I have to make that trek back home to face his dog bed, his food, his water jug, his tire toy, and all his medications that were in his own special in the garage.  I have to cancel his pet insurance.  I have to sweep up all his shedding hair for months to come.  My stylist knew I had a pet just by doing my hair!

His hair would be in places he never ventured into. 

There was that ongoing argument between Eddy and I about whether Beau in fact never really entered our bedroom.  Eddy would look at the amount of hair on the carpet or the side of the bed and be like "He was here, you can't tell me that dog wasn't in here!"  I'd defend Beau to the death and point out that my dog was obedient to a fault and as the first person to come home, I never saw him doing anything weird.  Needless to say, Eddy was right and I was wrong.  On several occassions in recent months, Beau would be caught in our room. Eddy would text me "You know YOUR dog got caught, and he just looked up at me like... and what?!"  I'd laugh because I would find him in the same spot chillin on our rug like he paid rent.

People would ask me about Beau and my response would be, "He's doing better than children in most 3rd world countries."  It's true the dog had AC, food, a bed that got changed every few months or so and the run of a house and yard.  He had two owners that loved him and life was good.

To say that Beau will be missed is an understatement.  Grief over a pet is as real as grief over another human being.  We have cried and I think I will be crying intermittently for some time to come.  As a social worker, I do regular "processing" of my emotions anyway; I will be revisiting my feelings about this dog for months and years to come. 

There were many who were terrified of our dog, a big head and loud bark would do that to most people.  I had to ask Eddy to stop telling people he wouldn't harm them.  Because if given the chance and the reason, I believe he would.  There's Rachel and her hand to prove it and my neighbors grandchild who got nicked in a tug of war through the fence.

Then there was Anse and Destinee and Sam who bathed him at some point in their lives.  Our brothers who tolerated all that excitement when he came by and gave in to playing tug of war with the toy tire.  I used to fling him around on the end of a towel when he was a puppy.  That went the way of memories when I realized he was dragging me instead of the other way around!

There's Maggy who house sat and dog sat  one time when we were traveling.  She was never really bothered by his aggressive nature (owning a pitpull does that to you) and they got along fine.

There was the small group that met on Saturdays (Pacouloute and crew) who were there during his puppy years.  Christina and Loramise never quite got over his growing size but I knew they loved him anyway.  Pacouloutes are a fearless bunch and liked him nonetheless.

There's Dee and Jonas who were only too happy to sell him to us at bargain basement price.  I think we got the better end of the deal.  Thanks for all the tips on being dog parents.  And Beau didn't take sides, he loved you both equally.

There's Corey and Phia who were our official dog-sitters, contract and all!  I swear Beau preferred hanging out at 2401 Tarpon Drive better than at our place.  The Griggs had a patio, two dogs, and a master who didn't mind walking him on schedule.  To know he did what he loved before his passing makes my heart rest easier.  Eddy and I are thankful, he wasn't home alone or chronically ill but rather hanging out with Pebbles and Bam Bam his compadres.


I've been told by Dee and Lyz (one two separate occassions this week) that loss makes room for gain.  I sense it too.  Just this Tuesday, I finally filled out that LCSW intern form and sent it off, posthaste.  I sense a change coming.  Eddy and I had a conversation that Tuesday night about how the house seemed dark and quiet without our "Bo-Bo" and what would life be without him.  We will not learn how life will be without him and how it will be with the memories of life WITH him.

Eddy has lost three pets now so he's guiding me along on this journey.  Will I ever own another pet?  I think so.  After all, loss is a lesson that we all have to learn in life. 

In the mean time, I will rest in God's promise...

Psalms 34:18
"The Lord is close to the broken-hearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit."

To the memory of Beau Gervais