Journal #7: Remembered As He Was

He's no longer here and I have to make that trek back home to face his dog bed, his food, his water jug, his tire toy, and all his medications that were in his own special in the garage.  I have to cancel his pet insurance.  I have to sweep up all his shedding hair for months to come.  My stylist knew I had a pet just by doing my hair!

His hair would be in places he never ventured into. 

There was that ongoing argument between Eddy and I about whether Beau in fact never really entered our bedroom.  Eddy would look at the amount of hair on the carpet or the side of the bed and be like "He was here, you can't tell me that dog wasn't in here!"  I'd defend Beau to the death and point out that my dog was obedient to a fault and as the first person to come home, I never saw him doing anything weird.  Needless to say, Eddy was right and I was wrong.  On several occassions in recent months, Beau would be caught in our room. Eddy would text me "You know YOUR dog got caught, and he just looked up at me like... and what?!"  I'd laugh because I would find him in the same spot chillin on our rug like he paid rent.

People would ask me about Beau and my response would be, "He's doing better than children in most 3rd world countries."  It's true the dog had AC, food, a bed that got changed every few months or so and the run of a house and yard.  He had two owners that loved him and life was good.

To say that Beau will be missed is an understatement.  Grief over a pet is as real as grief over another human being.  We have cried and I think I will be crying intermittently for some time to come.  As a social worker, I do regular "processing" of my emotions anyway; I will be revisiting my feelings about this dog for months and years to come. 

There were many who were terrified of our dog, a big head and loud bark would do that to most people.  I had to ask Eddy to stop telling people he wouldn't harm them.  Because if given the chance and the reason, I believe he would.  There's Rachel and her hand to prove it and my neighbors grandchild who got nicked in a tug of war through the fence.

Then there was Anse and Destinee and Sam who bathed him at some point in their lives.  Our brothers who tolerated all that excitement when he came by and gave in to playing tug of war with the toy tire.  I used to fling him around on the end of a towel when he was a puppy.  That went the way of memories when I realized he was dragging me instead of the other way around!

There's Maggy who house sat and dog sat  one time when we were traveling.  She was never really bothered by his aggressive nature (owning a pitpull does that to you) and they got along fine.

There was the small group that met on Saturdays (Pacouloute and crew) who were there during his puppy years.  Christina and Loramise never quite got over his growing size but I knew they loved him anyway.  Pacouloutes are a fearless bunch and liked him nonetheless.

There's Dee and Jonas who were only too happy to sell him to us at bargain basement price.  I think we got the better end of the deal.  Thanks for all the tips on being dog parents.  And Beau didn't take sides, he loved you both equally.

There's Corey and Phia who were our official dog-sitters, contract and all!  I swear Beau preferred hanging out at 2401 Tarpon Drive better than at our place.  The Griggs had a patio, two dogs, and a master who didn't mind walking him on schedule.  To know he did what he loved before his passing makes my heart rest easier.  Eddy and I are thankful, he wasn't home alone or chronically ill but rather hanging out with Pebbles and Bam Bam his compadres.


I've been told by Dee and Lyz (one two separate occassions this week) that loss makes room for gain.  I sense it too.  Just this Tuesday, I finally filled out that LCSW intern form and sent it off, posthaste.  I sense a change coming.  Eddy and I had a conversation that Tuesday night about how the house seemed dark and quiet without our "Bo-Bo" and what would life be without him.  We will not learn how life will be without him and how it will be with the memories of life WITH him.

Eddy has lost three pets now so he's guiding me along on this journey.  Will I ever own another pet?  I think so.  After all, loss is a lesson that we all have to learn in life. 

In the mean time, I will rest in God's promise...

Psalms 34:18
"The Lord is close to the broken-hearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit."

To the memory of Beau Gervais

Journal #6: A Great Teacher

Beau turned out to be one of the greatest teachers that God allowed me to have.  Am in tears even now truly contemplating the lessons I learned from him.

Patience...
I never thought there would be an end to the teething, chewing up my slippers,jumping on furniture, and just outright defiance sometimes.  There was one time when he barked his puppy bark and I remember getting on the couch scared for my life at this mini-beast that didn't want to listen.  Or the time when we both got stuck outside in the rain after I got mad at him and slammed the sliding door.  Eddy would have to chase him around the house after some minor infraction distracted from whatever he was doing, just to focus in on a dog and his needs.  Those visits to the vet meant heaving him up into the CRV and dealing with the slobbers near Eddy's ear.  Beau was always excited on car trips and it took a while for Eddy to be able to go alone.  I remember holding him on my lap those first few times.  Then when he grew too big for that, it meant tackling with a big head dog that wanted to be your assistant driver. 

Hearing Dee tell me the phases would come and go and that I had to stick with it.  Having Phia laugh at me for all those antics that had me pulling out my hair.  Having Lyzette, not really understanding, but willing to hear me voice my frustrations anyway.  He would always surprise me with his progress and I knew that those moments were all worth it.

Unconditional Love
You know when they said that a dog was a man's best friend, they really meant that.  There is no human being on this earth that would ever love you like a dog will. Cats have their ways, birds theirs, each other animal special in their own right.  But a dog, ahh, there is no other specimen that would get his nose popped one minute and be right there to walk with you the next.  Beau's ears would flip back and his tail would curl in when he knew he was in trouble.  Yet those same ears would perk up and tail would wag when he was happy to see us after a long day of being in the house alone.  Leaving him in the early years would be unsettling.  I would feel guilty because he didn't have another pet to keep him company.  He always knew when we were leaving.  He'd go off to lay by himself with his back turned to us.  That was his way of saying he was none too pleased with us.  He'd get quiet and just stare off into space.

But when we got home, boy he'd be all over the place!  I had started the whole "daddy's home" thing and he knew that Eddy was coming through the door.  Him and I would open the door for Eddy and wait for "daddy" to come inside.  I knew that Eddy would like that as it meant that his family was excited to see him. 

Joy
There aren't enough pages to write about a dog who brought happiness to not just Eddy and I but to the children he came in contact with.  I had to break the news to the parents of our two older god-children (Jerry & Destinee) who had spent considerable time with Beau over the years.  Destinee was the brave one who took full ownership of Beau as her first pet.  She belonged to him when she spent nights with us.  There was Christmas Eve when she pestered Beau so much he had to go off to be by himself.  Destinee was the affectionate type and Beau loved every minute of it.  I have the pictures of her giving him a bath.  Destinee did what very few adults would do and for that she's our brave girl.

Now Jerry took some warming up to Beau.  Had it not been for his younger brother Tyler (who had no qualms about playing with a dog twice his size) Jerry may have never developed the friendship they now have.  Beau became their "ball catcher" and a lot of time was spent outdoors.  Beau was the type to adapt to whoever he was with.  With me, it was long lazy days indoors in the AC (something he loved).  With Eddy it was rough play and the occassional walks (Beau's hip dysplasia kept us from taking him out much) but he was always game for the short walks around the block.  Beau knew us intuitively.  When Eddy and I would hug, he'd try to bump us so that he would be included in the group hug.  When we would play hide and seek, he'd whine if we didn't show ourselves after a while (thanks Dee for that game.)  And when Eddy and I would play fight and I would yelp from all the tickling, Beau would come to the bedroom's threshold ears perked ready for whatever.  He was my protector and I knew he was my ride AND die.

When Eddy and I would spar, we'd end up talking to Beau and use him as the mediator in our spats.  All our comments would be directed to Beau who would perk up when he heard his name and just stare at us, puzzled at what the all the fuss was about. 

Beau was always patient when I had some idea on how to dress him up.  Eddy would give his condolences and leave the room so as not to embarass the poor dog.  Last Christmas he was an elf.  I always hated the fact that I could never find anything that would fit that monster head of his.  I never wanted a fru-fru dog so that meant no "girly" stuff for him!

Journal #5: 'Ricanes, Remodeling, Robberies

Hurricane Wilma

Beau spent that entire ordeal in our room, scared out of his mind.  But we were comforted by each other's presence.  Before we remodeled our bedroom he was allowed to sleep there.  He'd take his post at the foot of the bed, walk around every now and then for a pet and generally made himself at home. 

The hurricane came and went and left us without a patio.  By this time, he was out of his cage and hanging out in the backyard.  I didn't like keep him tied so we allowed him to roam free.  There was that time when I came home to see him frothing at the mouth and totally entangled in his chain.  I never tied him after that.

We were having repairs done to our roof and would constantly get questions about Beau.  Was he an indoor dog?  Did he bite?  Was he really mean?  To each I would say yes.  My  natural distrust of people had me suggest to Eddy that we should keep Beau indoors.  After all our patio had went the way of Wizard of Oz and I didn't like keeping him out in the sun, even under a tree.  Eddy agreed and life with Beau indoors all day began.  Our fake alarm didn't connect to anything so it was just noise.  But who could ignore the loud barks of an American Bulldog.  Beau was nobody's fool.  So his territory became the indoors and he took his job seriously.

I was on the phone with Lyzette when I drove up to the house after yet another long day.  It was dark and Beau was at the door waiting for me.  I walked into the hallway with him close behind.  He went straight to my shut door and stood there.  I tried pushing it open only to realize there was someting behind the door.  I looked in the guest room and saw the window frames were taken out.  We had been got!

Long story short--our Beau had saved the day.  Eddy had shut our bedroom door that morning, complaining that Beau shouldn't be in there anyway so the robbers were able to climb through and ran sack our room.  Needless to say Beau's barks and aggressive nature kept them from coming into the rest of the home.  The cowards were so scared they pushed the TV to the door.  They saw him through the open guest room door and opted out of trying to come in that way.

The stupid thiefs didn't know that I didn't keep my good jewelry in my "boite secret" my secret box.  Only thing in there was wedding cards and odds and ends.  Dummies!

Beau got the biggest, greasiest doggy bone after that!  My hero.

Journal #4: Trainings

Man, that dog brought a whole new perspective to our lives!  There was vet bills, dog food, doggy bones, pet treats, pet toys, newspapers that lined the house, and the trainings.

Our floors weren't tiled so he was always slipping and sliding around the terrazo floors or the Florida Room's concrete floor.

There was that time when I felt bad for him and didn't want to leave him in his cage.  I was just making a quick trip to the Home Depot for something.  So I left him in our room.  Came back to an aroma of dog poop all over my bedroom floor!  And him in the corner looking at me with his now hazel colored eyes.

The Trainings
We bought the books and proceeded on this doggy training venture.  Eddy would teach him in the mornings and I would come home and reinforce what he had learned earlier in the day.  There were the late nights when all he wanted to do was play and all I wanted to do was crash.  But off to the laundry room we would go.  I would shut the door and go over our "stay" routine.  Imagine an active puppy wagging his tail wanting to come towards me and me having to keep reinforcing "stay".  As much as I didn't mind him jumping and tackling me, I knew in the long run that this cute puppy would one day grow up to be a monster 2/3 my weight so the jumping couldn't last and the training had to keep moving.

By the time all was said and done, Beau knew to sit, stay, come, heel, move, go and whatever else we taught him haphazardly along the way.  The trainings literally saved his life.  Eddy has other means of discipline too (of which I won't mention for fear of the Humane Society folks).  It's a shame when you can't even discipline your own pet for fear of the "pet police".

I remember him dashing out the front door one day and running across the street to our neighbor's Bonnie's yard.  He never did that again.  It took him a long time to cross that treshold to the front yard.  Dee would test him and of course he fell for it a couple of times, much to his regret.  A recent test came from my brother, Evans who later regretted doing it.  Cause even though "mommy" was the softie of the two of us, she still had to mete out correction. 

Journal #3: It Would Have Been Blue!

It was June/July and the puppies were getting big.  Gorgeous, adorable bunch they were.  We would stop by every now and then to check in on them.  By this time, Dee and Jonas were trying to figure out how to sell them.  Having 5 or 6 puppies and 2 full grown dogs was not what they had signed up for.

I'd ooh and ahhh over them and be on my way.  Yet I had been thinking of that cute bunch of defenseless puppies, relying on human love to take care of them and the thought wouldn't go away.  Mind you, I was in my second semester at Barry, working 40 hours a week, interning 16 hours on top of that and remodeling a home at the same time.  I was exhausted.  There were days when I would leave in the dark and come home in the dark.  Eddy and I were like passing ships just meeting up in late evenings to run through our respective days and prepare for the next.

Then that fateful evening came looking in on the bunch I asked Eddy if we could take one home.  There was a scrappy male in the litter who would fight mercilessly with his sisters.  By this time a brother was taken so he was left alone to deal with the "XY" chromosones on his own.  I remember him fighting one of his sisters and she taking a big out of his ear.  He grew with a slight loop to his ear that was evident up until now.  I looked up at Eddy and bat my big brown eyes (he could never say now when I did that) and it was official.  I would be taking home the "scrapper".  He was feisty and he stood out. 

I'm a sucker for eyes and his were a gorgeous blue.  He had the light brown brindle patch on his face unlike the black spots of his siblings.  Those blue eyes had me hook, line, and sinker.  "I'm gonna call him Blue!", I said.  I think Jonas pointed out that his eyes may change colors then how could I explain that.  I had taken French from middle school til college and he was such a handsome dog.  Beau became his name.  Beau "french etymology for the word handsome".  Not Bo, cause he wasn't a country dog in Wisconsin somewhere or a character on Days of our Lives. 

He became our "handsome" dog.

Journal #2: Wedding Bells Brings A Spring Gift

Eden had met the love of his life in Holly and we were off to celebrate their wedding in Colorado. 

Dee and Jay by this time had acquired Haydee so they now had two American bulldogs.  Beautiful specimens.  The dogs would get looks riding in the back of Jonas' pick-up truck.  Dee would tell me of their couple walks with the dogs and just how friendly they were with kids and how people would stop to talk or cross the street depending on their level of bravery!

I was getting warmed up to the "pet thing".  We were in our first home and remodeling was underway.  My constant talks with Dee always had some dog story in it.  Petey dropping something in the garage, Haydee being the boss of the two.  Petey was the sweetie of the bunch and Haydee was the voice box.  They had such opposite personalities.  Petey was the rotten one.  After all he spent some time being the Alpha dog before Haydee came into the picture.

I had also started my first year of grad school at Barry University and my stress level was picking up.  The social work program left no room for anything outside of work, intern, and coming home to a house in disrepair.   

We were glad to head on out to this April wedding in Colorado by that point.  Tons of family was going and it would be our first airline trip with Eddy's parents.  That too is for another blog.  Papi's road trip antics are the stuff of legends! 

Jonas didn't make that first flight with us though.  Haydee was giving birth to a litter and he stayed behind to ensure all went well.  Spring brought snow in Colorado and the birth American bulldog puppies in Miami...

Journal #1: Dogs weren't part of my future

It was early Spring 2004.  We were getting ready for traveling to Eden and Holly's wedding.  Dee & Jonas had two American bulldogs, Pete and Haydee.  My first introduction to "Petey" was at the apartment complex on Biscayne Blvd near FIU North.  "He's a puppy" Dee said.  I took her word for it and when she walked through the door with the the monster that was Pete I jumped on the chair.

I didn't think much of Pete after that outside of my courteous inquiries into his health.  Dee would mention all his puppy "accidents" and I would think "hmm... what's all the fuss about?"  You see, I never owned a dog growing up.  There was that class bunny in St. Maarten, but I shared him with an entire class and he was gone by year's end.  The closest I came to pets were of the bird kind.  There was the pidgeons my dad raised in St. Maarten.  I got attached to their chirping but soon lost interest after having to be force fed pidgeon soup!  That's for another blog folks.

Then there was that baby chick that I kept in the garage.  Not sure what happened but he wasn't around long enough for me to really be affected.  After all, I had prom and graduation to worry about so that was the end of my introduction to animals on a personal level.

My mom didn't think animals and humans should cohabitate.  Her nose would go up in "bourghie" disgust so my dad never pushed the issue. She was from the city and he was from Leogane, Haiti.  He'd been around animals all his life and wanted us to experience that attachment but it never materialised.

No prediction could have prepared me for life with a pet.